Many clients come to us believing they are divorcing a narcissist. Many opposing parties claim the same about our clients.
Clinical diagnosis is rarely the legal issue. Patterned behavior is.
What matters in family law is not the label, but the conduct: how the other party operates in relationships, in parenting, in financial dealings, and in the legal process itself. Certain patterns, whether driven by true narcissistic personality disorder, borderline traits, or other dynamics, can produce highly volatile, manipulative, and destructive divorce cases.
We do not chase diagnoses. We focus on behavior. And we build strategic legal responses to match.
Why These Cases Are Different
Personality disorders, especially those in Cluster B (narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial), involve patterns of thinking and behavior that complicate separation and litigation. These traits don’t always amount to a clinical diagnosis, but even subclinical traits can be destructive in high-conflict settings.
• High-conflict divorces are disproportionately driven by one or both parties exhibiting cluster B personality traits (DSM-5-TR: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial), which increase both the likelihood and intensity of prolonged litigation and coercive dynamics. (Campbell et al., 2021; Fidler & Bala, 2020; American Psychiatric Association, 2022).
• Narcissistic traits in particular correlate with entitlement, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulation of systems and relationships. (Ronningstam, 2005; Campbell & Miller, 2011; Eddy & Saposnek, 2012; Jauk & Kaufman, 2018).
• Borderline traits often involve emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, splitting behaviors, and instability in parenting and co-parenting relationships
(Crowell et al., 2009; Linehan, 2015; Gunderson et al., 2018; Trull & Widiger, 2019).
• In family law litigation, these dynamics manifest as litigation abuse, false narratives, parental alienation tactics, coercive control, and chronic violation of agreements. (Johnston et al., 2009; Bala et al., 2010; Fidler & Bala, 2020; Nielson et al., 2025).
You do not need to prove a diagnosis. You need to prove a pattern. We understand how to document and present these patterns in a manner the court can recognize and act upon.
Patterns We See
These are among the most common behaviors of the other party in cases where clients believe they are divorcing a narcissist or a personality-disordered spouse:
- Impulsive or Reckless Behavior. Refusal or inability to comply with boundaries, orders, or agreements, even ones they requested.
- Manipulation of children or professionals involved. Coaching, alienation attempts, or triangulation, often also involving manipulation of, or unilateral interference with therapists involved.
- Repeatedly changing therapists or professionals. Once someone makes a decision against their interests, they retaliate by firing the professional, withholding payment, threatening to report them to licensing agencies, or even stalking.
- Litigation abuse. Filing excessive motions on already resolved issues, refusing to settle, prolonging the case to cause attrition.
- Distortion of reality. Gaslighting behaviors designed to disorient the client and professionals.
- Financial coercion. Hiding assets, sabotaging employment, refusing support.
- Parental instability. Dramatic shifts in parenting presentation from idealization to devaluation.
- Mental Instability or Addiction Issues. Disordered or dysregulated thinking, history of suicide attempts or hospitalization, use of drugs or alcohol to excess.
- Rumination and “re-litigating” the past. They may keep resurrecting old grievances, demanding explanations or admissions, or trying to draw you back into argument.
What the Research Warns
Knowing how psychological traits operate can guide your approach:
- Courts and professionals often misinterpret emotional dysregulation or trauma responses as instability or “alienation.”
- Evaluators or judges without training in personality pathology may default to “both parents are flawed,” even when one shows clear patterns of manipulation.
- Personality traits are stable; they don’t reliably change simply because of separation. Expect patterns to continue (or escalate) unless interrupted.
- The stress of divorce can exacerbate underlying traits leading to sudden outbursts or “splitting” behavior (idealization → devaluation).
- Survivors of high-conflict divorce often suffer long-term mental and physical health decline from emotional trauma built into the process.
What You Need to Do to Protect Yourself
You need to enter this process with strategy, not wishful thinking. Here’s how:
- Document meticulously
Keep a contemporaneous record of incidents, behaviors, communications, and patterns. This is how you show consistency, not reactive defense. - Set uncompromising boundaries
Decide how communication will occur (e.g. via your attorney, via a neutral channel). Stick to it. Don’t engage in emotional baiting. - Anticipate false claims
Personality disorders often drive compensatory tactics – gaslighting, false allegations, projection. Expect them. Don’t react in the moment. - Retain expert evaluation
A therapist or forensic mental health expert who understands personality pathology can help map patterns, offer context, and rebut distorted narratives. - Demand procedural controls
Ask the court for limited discovery, gating motions, or stricter guidelines on filings to prevent abuse of process. - Prepare for escalation, not resolution
Plan financially and emotionally as though litigation will intensify. Don’t rely on goodwill. Build reserves, get support. - Preserve your own mental health
Enlist therapist support. Set daily boundaries. Stay grounded in fact, not emotion.
What You Should Not Do
- Don’t expect transformation or admission of fault. Expect resistance.
- Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into side arguments over credibility. Let your team manage that.
- Don’t disregard your instincts. If you feel unsafe or manipulated, trust that and act accordingly.
A Note About Labels
We understand why clients reach for terms like “narcissist” or “bipolar.” These words often reflect lived experience of fear, confusion, and emotional harm.
Our role is not to pathologize the other party. Our role is to protect our clients, to document dangerous patterns, and to advocate for outcomes that serve the client’s long-term interests and the well-being of any children involved.
We are also a trusted referral partner for therapists and other attorneys who recognize when a case has moved beyond standard family law dynamics and into personality-driven conflict.
Our work is informed by current research on personality pathology and high-conflict family dynamics. We have deep experience navigating these cases with strategic precision and professional restraint.