If you’re in a high-conflict divorce, or suspect you’re about to be, understand this:
Most attorneys are not equipped to handle it.
And many won’t tell you that.
We’re not saying this to alarm you. We’re saying it because clients in your position deserve the truth – before you waste time, money, or your dwindling emotional reserves on a team that isn’t ready for what this actually is.
Most attorneys don’t train for this kind of case. Many will take it anyway, hoping things will calm down, or they can just “act reasonably” and settle it.
That assumes both parties are reasonable.
If you are reading this, we suspect one of you isn’t.
- We don’t take every client. Not every case needs this level of strategy. Yours does.
- The system isn’t built to recognize coercive control, litigation abuse, or trauma responses in children, let alone stop them.
- Being reasonable won’t protect you. It will be weaponized against you to make you look weak, unstable, or uncooperative.
- Most lawyers will burn out before your case is over because they don’t recognize the difference between mutual conflict and unilateral abuse.
- You’ll need more psychological support than you think. And no, we are not your therapist.
- We can’t make your ex’s behavior change.
- This is not your friend’s sister’s divorce. The same rules don’t apply. Neither do the outcomes.
- No, we can’t make them a better parent. Neither can you.
You couldn’t control them when you lived together, you will have less control now. - Fighting for the principle of the matter is the fastest way to rack up legal fees.
- Yes, the assets will still be divided equally. Even if they were abusive. Even if you earned every cent. Because family law doesn’t reward virtue. It divides community property.
- The system will not fix this for you. It was not designed for cases like this.
(In fact, it often rewards the more regulated or better-acting party, even when that’s the abuser.) - You will not survive this on endurance alone. You need strategy, clarity, and a team that won’t flinch.
- Want to Win? Sometimes that just means being done.
Why This Matters
Most lawyers don’t say these things, not because they’re dishonest, but because they don’t see what we see. They haven’t litigated this level of escalation. They haven’t watched the protective parent get blamed. They haven’t watched the system reward the better actor.
We have.
And we’ve learned that in high-conflict divorce, clarity is protection.
We’ll give you both.