The money doesn’t protect you. In fact, it often traps you.
Many clients come to us in this position: successful, highly capable professionals, yet deeply isolated inside an abusive marriage.
They assumed that being the primary earner would shield them. That controlling the income would protect their independence.
It does not.
Research shows that being the primary earner does not lower the risk of abuse; it often escalates it. In nearly four out of ten cases of intimate partner violence in the U.S., the victim is the primary earner (Smith et al., 2018). For male victims, the figure is even higher.
Why? Because earning power shifts the perceived balance of control, and abusers respond accordingly.
If this sounds familiar, you are in the right place. We handle this pattern of case every day.
The Dynamic You Are Up Against
Being the primary earner does not protect you from financial harm during a divorce because the law assumes that both parties are acting in good faith. However, coercive controlling abuse disproportionately targets primary earners in relationships where the abuser relies on them financially or resents their independence. Stark (2007); Crossman et al., (2022).
- In 38% of cases of reported intimate partner violence, the victim was the primary earner at the time abuse was occurring. Notably, when gender is controlled:
- Among male victims, over 50% were primary earners.
- Among female victims, about 30% were primary earners.
(Smith et al., 2018. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2015 Data Brief — Updated Release. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, CDC.)
How We Protect Primary Earners in These Cases
Most firms are not equipped for this level of case. We are.
Here is what we do differently:
- Immediate damage control: We identify likely escalation tactics.
- Narrative leadership: We frame the case so the court understands the true dynamic, not the distorted version your spouse will present.
- Strategic spousal support management: We fight spousal support battles as what they often are: leverage plays, not need-based requests.
- Client anchoring: We guide you through the psychological minefield so you remain effective while we execute the legal strategy.
What You Must Understand
If you are the primary earner married to an abuser:
- Do not assume the court will naturally side with you. Many courts will be primed to believe that money equals control unless the real pattern is exposed.
- Do not let guilt dictate your legal strategy. This is the core of the manipulation you are living with.
- Do not rely on a traditional family lawyer to manage this dynamic. It requires a very different level of experience and strategy.
The Bottom Line
Being the primary earner does not protect you from abuse, unfortunately, it often makes you a more valuable target.
We know the tactics your spouse is likely to use.
We know how to dismantle them.
And we know how to protect your career, your children, and your freedom as we do it.
Further reading:
Smith, S.G., et al. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2015 Data Brief — Updated Release. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2018.
Stark, E. Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press, 2007.
Crossman, K.A., et al. “Patterns of Coercive Control and Their Impact on Victims,” Journal of Family Violence, 2022.